By Shannon Meyerkort @ Relentless (www.frommumtome.blogspot.com)
1. A personal concierge doesn’t really care if you have been naughty or nice. You must behave for a whole year to get a present from Santa, but a personal concierge doesn’t mind if you forgot to feed the cat a few times, if you drop the F-bomb when you’re stuck in traffic, or if you bought those fabulous new shoes rather than pay the phone bill.
2. A personal concierge doesn’t bring wildlife into the house. Santa not only brings his entire team of reindeers to trample over your roof and garden but he expects you to provide them with carrots as well. And anyone who tells you that reindeer poo is made of chocolate and sparkles is telling porkies.
3. A personal concierge actually gets you what you ask for. How many times as a kid did you ask Santa for a pony, or a puppy or a new baby brother? Did you get it? If you ask a personal concierge to bring you things, come Christmas Day you won’t be disappointed (although I’m not sure how they’d go about getting you a baby brother…)
4. A personal concierge doesn’t expect you to sit on their knee. Of course if you have a particularly good looking personal concierge you might want to sit on their knee, but it’s entirely optional. And if they let you, chances are they won’t ask to photograph it.
5. A personal concierge dresses appropriately for the Australian summer. If looking at Santa in his fur-trimmed pantsuit makes you have a hot flush (not to mention having to explain his completely inappropriate head gear to your kids), then spending time with a normally dressed person (who is there to help) will make you feel cool, calm and collected.
6. A personal concierge doesn’t feel the need to surround themselves with hundreds of miniature people wearing pointy shoes and big hats. And if they do, it’s really none of your business.
7. A personal concierge belongs to the new millennium. Luckily you can email your requirements to a personal concierge. None of this old-fashioned letter-writing business and having to find a stamp, let alone an envelope.
8. A personal concierge works all year round. Whereas Santa gives himself eleven months off every year, a personal concierge is more than a one-trick pony and will help out with birthday presents, Mothers’ and Fathers’ Day and everything in between.
9. A personal concierge doesn’t expect you to feed them. Not only do you have to be good all year, you also have to leave milk and cookies (or beer and chocolate) for Santa to keep him happy on the big night. It’s always nice to offer your personal concierge a cup of tea, but it’s not going to mean the difference between being put on a naughty or nice list.
10. A personal concierge won’t creep around your house in the middle of the night. Unless you want them to, of course.